Friday, May 16, 2008

My problems and thesis...

Like what my profs said: "Don't do anime style~!"

And to my horror...I saw someone did a 2D thesis with anime style and it was bad... maybe I should do cartoon! (yeah right... but seriously... I have considered that for my third year animation final...)

At first I was going to do an reaction piece to that kind of discrimination.... but now I don't even care, why should I react? Why should I spend my time to react to your judgment of what is good and what is bad?

If I do a thesis with anime style and it's not accepted well, so be it, as long as I know it's what I like, and what I will do for life, and what I am willing to bear with it in my life, I will be happy.

After the second year... I have come to this conclusion:

I might have to prepare a few extra things if i want a job somewhere else... but my film will be my film.
It's my work, I will live with it, I will bear with it for years to come after school.

I paid my teachers to teach me how to make my vision come alive, not to tell me how to run my business or how to do my art, or even how to tell my story the way they think it works, or what's acceptable and what is not.

I think too many teachers tried to do too much or too little for the students.... I can't say I didn't make the same mistake. But we need to give students room, but they still need guidance.

As long as the audience accept it fine, what's the big deal on how it's achieved or what method what style? Is a bad cartoon any better than a bad anime? Is copying Disney any more original than copying Japanese art?

Again, I will only have this thought because other people had said no.

Then I think about my own problem...

I have a problem with getting people to pick on my problems. lol~
It has to do with associating correction and confrontation with bad memories and emotions.

And I tend to get too title driven.... meaning if I didn't have a steady paying job, or a title as a professional, or a title like others my age has... art director~~~! (wooo) I would feel bad.
In fact I still do. If I said I don't care about it it's no big deal anyway, in this case... it would be a "sour grape" attitude. It's not that I don't care. I just couldn't get it so I pretend I don't care.

But now if I reflect upon that mentality... it's rather silly.... if I can make a living doing what I love to do, add on with other things.... why care about titles? Titles is only good for advertising, again. Like an award, to your elders.
My mom doesn't even care, my brothers don't care, my father just want me be able to feed myself.... As long as I can feed myself and manage to do what I love. I can be considered as ... "being in heaven."

I think my biggest fear that caused me to be into this mentality is the fear of being useless. The typical I must earn money to help my parents deal...

And I didn't just trip over my own insecurity just once either.... I fail many times, would have failed many times if God, mother, and my brother didn't talk me out of it.

I will try to stand my ground and communicate more when I get critiqued, so I am not just taking it without reasoning. (and try not to be too hard on myself... boy... I think that one is hard.)

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