Thursday, May 1, 2008

Break down

=_=b it's weird that people usually have a break down during their production, I have a post-production break down yesterday.

The sense of disappointment I felt from some people who know me, and my discontent of not reaching to the standard I wanted got the better of me yesterday.

I was also stuck on the rigging in maya, there was no way to finish my scene by today, frustrations mounted upon one another, I felt so defeated I couldn't stop crying, thanks to mother helping to comfort me. Still it took a while for me to calm down and go to sleep.

=_=bb I cried so much my nose was stuck, eyes pressured, headache.

That was quite a break down. I really shouldn't let it get to me, but it did, anyway.
The praise from the majority didn't matter, the voice of criticism got to my head instead.
Making me feel like I could have done more, but when I carefully look at my situation, I did do my best, but I made my mistakes. The mistakes is more in planing and production procedure than the lack of time management, which I will correct on my next film.

Of course people are not there to see your progress, how you have to carry a chunk load of paper traveling 2 hours a day to animate, take the time to test it, battle with software you are still learning, yelling at the computer for rendering problems... still come with mistakes you wish you could fix but you are too tired to go back to it. In the mean while deal with sickness that bothers you in your stress.

Only people who went through it know, but you can't expect your audience to know this.

I really relate to Tezuka's auto-biography manga right now.

Right at this moment, I do feel that film making is even more unforgiving than any other medium. I don't know about game making yet.

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